I started seeing a therapist again.
I've been meaning to get back to seeing a professional counselor for some time, but it's not always easy finding the right person. Especially for something so vulnerable. In any event, we had our first session last week and he had a fairly significant impact on me immediately. Within minutes, he observed, "I sense a lot of sadness in you."
I found this a little jolting, only because a friend had said almost the exact thing about me the other day.
I asked my therapist how to not be so sad, and he asked me a fairly simple question: "Describe for me times in your life when you were very happy."
I rattled off a bunch of things: when I graduated law school, when I got a full-time offer from my law firm, when I made partner at the law firm. When I passed the bar exam: "My parents were so happy they were literally jumping up and down when I passed that test," I recounted.
My therapist noted, "You're only happy when you accomplish something, it seems. What would happen if you were happy not because you did something, but because you just enjoyed something?"
That thought has been rolling around in my brain ever since.
And so, I've been trying, every day, to identify things that make me happy just by being them (and not because I did them). And these things CAN'T include Anthony (my husband) and Lulu (my dog)!! Otherwise, that would be too easy! So, here's what I've come up with thus far:
- Kimchi Jjigae (I made some the other day and as soon as I had a spoonful, it reminded me so much of my grandmother and that made me so happy).
- My friend getting out of a terrible speeding ticket (it bothered me more than I let on).
- The smell of the Christmas tree we put up yesterday (good smells definitely make me happy).
- The writing group I just joined (this is slightly performance based, but honestly, I really just enjoyed being part of a group of writers who do not know me as "The Korean Vegan").
Ok, that's all I've got for now. I'm telling you--it was NOT easy for me to come up with these! And I've been thinking about it for days! I keep coming up with things that are very clearly achievement based (e.g., finishing all the items on my task list, getting all my videos uploaded, writing a blog for nearly every single week of KVBeauty's existence, etc.).
Anyhoot, curious--what are some things that make YOU happy just because they are what they are?? I'd love to know!!
Joanne.
